Women and the Feminine Principle in Paris, November, 2011
That Thursday evening, before I met Anna to finalise the details of the seminar 'Women and the Feminine Principle', I had not felt so empty, so drained, so unworthy, so lonely in a long time.....
Here was I, organising a seminar about the Feminine Power, hardly able to cope for myself ! Wasn't I some kind of a fraud, I asked myself?
I attended my first Seminar with Anna, in Shanghai in June 2010. I was then just a few days away from leaving Shanghai to return 'home' after 8 incredible years in China.
For many, returning 'home' after a few years of expatriation is a relief. For me, though, a year of transition back to my home country had left me completely depleted, overwhelmed by negative thoughts, doubting each and every aspect of my life.
Coming 'home' meant readjusting to (yet not accepting) the social and cultural grids I knew already, but that I didn't want to conform to any longer.
Coming 'home' meant facing again the very same mental limitation that I had fled 8 years ago,
Coming 'home' meant dissolving myself into solving or even pre-solving the family's issues, exaggerated by our new organisation of life.
Coming 'home' meant finding my own way onto a less travelled path in a rather conservative environment...
So when Anna asked me to answer the simplest question of all : 'Who am I' - I just couldn't answer. Even my first name was problematic... Am I Anna - as I likedto be called abroad where I feel free - or am I Anne-Valérie, the name my parents gave me, the name I was raised with ?
Yet, deep, deep inside, there was a light, that had never disappeared. The light that was lit in Shanghai, during the first seminar. The light that had kept me 'on track' all that time. The light that had shown me the way out of the dimness...
It took me less than an hour with Anna to feel the energy flowing again into my body, to feel the peace surging from within.
How could I have forgotten what I had discovered in Shanghai ? It was there, all the time. I had just forgotten that I knew how to get there.
3 days of seminar later, I have never felt so strong, so confident in the future and in my own abilities, so blessed that I have amazing family and friends, so grateful for all that I have, and so in Love. Amazing !
What had happened during these 3 days ?
While writing these words, I am still struggling to understand what happened and to find the right words for it. Yet I feel the energy is still at work.
'FEEL' may be the key word here.
I have attended many classes before. I am usually a 'think first - feel later' kind of person (or, at least, I liked to 'think' of me that way). I like to learn, to understand, to question, to challenge, to use and overuse my mind... and I did during the seminar. The teachings of Anna are challenging, yet obvious. They are advanced, yet simple. They are provoking, yet very respectful. Definitely food for thought !
But more importantly, I FELT...
I felt It was right
I felt Love, the Love I receive, the Love I give, the Love around me
Confidence, in me, in the world around me,
I felt the Tiger being there for me. That same tiger I was riding when I first discovered I had power, back in Shanghai.
I felt Forgiveness, for the past, the present and the future
I felt compassion for those women around us who suffer of not being what they are.
I felt Silence, where everything is possible.
I felt Home, inside me.
Paris, November 2011